i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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