I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
