If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
