Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
