I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
