so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Randomize
