One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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