I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
