Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
