i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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