Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
