i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
