i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far