is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?