to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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