I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
