Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
