Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
