you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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