just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
