Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
