Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
