why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
