we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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