U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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