Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
