My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
