the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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