Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
