Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
