Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
