I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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