my soul wont recognize me after tonight
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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