please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
