people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
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I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
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He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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