Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
