I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.