You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
