Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
