worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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