So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
