I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
