i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
