I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
