Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Ladies don't puke and tell
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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