I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
