as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
