fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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