do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
