i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Houston, we have a blender
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize