the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize