my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
