oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
