if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
