I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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