Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
True strength comes from lack of pants
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