Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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