i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
