WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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