No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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