Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
