i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My balls are so social today.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
