i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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