the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
