If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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