I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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