dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
