Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
