Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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