She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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