I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
