Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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