Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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