I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
