That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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