I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
